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The Facebook Unfriending

30 Jan

Facebook is the devil… especially in the break-up process. Every post feels like a personal dig and each photo or video is a reminder that your ex is continuing life without you — and true or not, it always feels like they’ve already forgotten about you.

I took myself out of our abruptly-ended relationship and returned to my previous unlisted status (I’m not a fan of the FB relationship listing; I feel no need to advertise it to the world!). But a week later I found he was still hanging out ‘in a relationship.’ Part of me wondered if he chose to remain in this category permanently, making it easier to just add a name when the next lady came along.

I guess not. Today he became single — according to the world of FB. When I saw it on my feed I thought “about time.”

And then the comments began.


“It’s about time. I didn’t want to say it, but it is,”

and [friend] likes your status were the first to appear.

The feeling it left in my stomach is the reason I don’t publicly comment on other people’s relationship changes. Everything is open to interpretation. Did his friend — who FB friended me when SS and I started dating and has commented on my statuses as recently as last week, ugh! — ‘like’ the status change because he disliked me? Or was he glad SS finally changed it after a week? Or does he know SS has a new interest and wants to see him move on? Or none of the above?

Was the person who wrote ‘about time’ know something about our relationship that SS never enlightened me about? Or is he just excited because he is friends with his ex? Or does he think SS spends too much time in relationships and not enough with himself? Or is there a completely other, irrelevant reason for his enthusiasm?

I’ll never know what was meant and it’s hard not to assume the worst. Therefore, I don’t want to see it.

I clicked unfriend and watched our connection instantaneously disappear. It felt as quick as the break-up.

The phrase ‘out of sight, out of mind’ may not accurately describe the break-up process, but ‘off the feed’ is a step in the right direction.


Guess Who, The Walmart Edition

11 Jul

There are two websites that are sure to waste my afternoon. I go to them for a laugh, and before I know it, I’ve wasted an hour to numerous hours clicking page after page claiming, “Just one more…”

They are: and Neither offer any intellectual stimulation. They exist purely for mindless amazement.

At some point in a conversation with my parents and triple A this weekend, I mentioned these sites. It was in response to my dad stating that he didn’t like to look at stupid sites, or that there was nothing worthwhile on the internet, now I remember. Him and my mom were kinda like “huh?” So I got out my laptop and went to People of Walmart. I handed it over and showed him a few. Then I pointed out, “Make sure you read the captions. The captions make it!”

A few minutes later I came back out onto the porch and he is reading the captions outloud. “Guess who this is. What do you think the picture looks like, huh?” And then he would describe it laughing.

I took my laptop back and switched to Texts From Last Night. I started reading outloud—only the appropriate ones of course. And my parents’ reactions ranged from a chuckle to an full-blown LOL. But after about 6 pages they were losing interest (while I was still going strong).

I closed my laptop as my dad got up: “I guess there are some funny things on the internet,” he commented.

Win!! I successfully dumbed down my dad.

He may have introduced me to the internet, but I introduced him to its most idiotic content.

And for that I am proud.

“I Do,” says the Bride and Groom

18 Apr

Yesterday my cousin got married…

And the wedding was FAB!!

My cousin and her new hubby looked absolutely phenomenal. She is always gorgeous but put her in a skintight sheath and she’s LI’s Next Top Model! The two of them both have smiles that light up the room causing a lot of “Their kids are going to be adorable” comments throughout the night. They both looked blissfully ecstatic! They don’t hide it for a second that they are head over heels in love…

The weather held out and we were able to hold the ceremony outdoors. So even though it was a bit nippy, Bride and Groom were able to say their I Do’s with a view of the water, and we got all the photos in before sunset.

The reception was a success. The place was beautiful and everyone was on the dance floor. I, apparently, smelled motherly as all human beings under 5 spent the night hunting me down and dragging me on to the dance floor… And no one seemed to mind that a drunk ‘im-maternal’ (is that a word?) 28-year-old in 3-inch heels was spinning and swinging the 3-year-olds around upside down… I’m pretty sure there was no droppage. (No bumps on the head, right guys?)

Aunt got adequate bar and dance floor time—with some Meatloaf to end the night, as always—and Uncle did his best impression of a leaky faucet… so, success on the family front.

And the best part of the night… the debut of the Mario cake. See, Hubby desperately wanted a Nintendo cake. And Bride agreed, but unfortunately the reception hall wouldn’t allow another cake to be brought in… well, they could bring in their own IN ADDITION to the hall’s cake, but it could not be cut.

So my cousin’s gift to her new hubby was a Mario-decorated cake.
Here is a photo of the final piece:

Brilliant, isn’t it? Bride cut out all the coins and stars… Aunt and Grandma iced and put together the castle pieces. I was pretty damn impressed with their abilities. Three generations of bakers and cake decorators working together… it was adorable! Of course, watching them, the night before the wedding, embark on this adventure, I wanted in on the action. Soooooo, I supervised. (I attempted to help and made two pipes but was told they were sh!t so I continued to maintain my post as Creative Director.) But in the end, it was a good thing we couldn’t cut it at the hall… after 6 hours of man-handling the cake, fingering the icing, hot gluing the foam toppings and drawing Sharpie accents on the characters, it really wasn’t cut out for eating.

Ohhh and since we’re on the topic of making things… check out my “Basket of Firsts” wedding gift. Everything in it has an appropriate use for a “first experience.”

Congrats again Mr and Mrs… you guys are beautiful together. I wish you the best… always!