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What the stars say…

26 Jan

I get my horoscope to my inbox everyday. Actually I get three or four a day, most of them from Astrology.com (iVillage) and CaliforniaPsychics.com.

Sometimes they are hesitant and I chose to ignore them. Other times they are just what I need to hear, so I print them and hang them where I can see them all day long.

They may be BS… but it’s never BS to surround yourself with positive thoughts and messages.

Yesterday’s…

and today’s…

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Are you disingenuous?

23 Apr

Good bloody question Mike, good question!

How do you spend your time and money? from Mike Collins’ blog The Perfect Workday.

Love this blog! And what a great quote:
“Your actions speak so loudly I can’t hear what you are saying.” I don’t have a clue who said it.

To love or not to love…

22 Apr

I’ve been pondering this post for, well, almost seven weeks. One of my favorite bloggers, capclassique, invited one of her avid followers, Santaslil (yes, all bloggers talk in code) to guest blog. His entry “Perfect Mate” got me thinking—big time, as you can tell from my massive commentary on the entry.

I don’t pretend to know the first thing about Star Trek so I can’t comment on the message implied by the referenced scene. But when it comes to relationships, I’ve ridden the ups and downs—and even been through a few muddy trenches—so I think I have a valid opinion on the matter at hand.

Obvious by my initial commentary, I was strongly opposed to the concept that love was a decision you could commit to. How can you control or decide on a feeling? You either connect with someone or you don’t, it’s not up to you who that person is.

This made me consider my past relationships and what it is that held me there—or didn’t. Sometimes I had made a decision to love thinking it was the best course for me. At other times it was an emotional connection that drew me in and I ignored my subconscious telling me it was a bad move. Therefore, I couldn’t comprehend how anyone could explain or stand behind this idea of commitment. And being cursed with a genetic handicap of indecisiveness, I wasn’t sure if I, personally, would ever be capable of such a feat.

In the entry, Santaslil quotes M. Scott Peck in reference to his ex: “Genuine love is volitional rather than emotional. The person who truly loves, does so because of a decision to love. This person has made a commitment to be loving, whether or not the loving feeling is present.”

The discussion between me and Santaslil revolved around the balance of commitment and inexplicable attraction. And I couldn’t even commit to an opinion on the matter. I wanted to believe that making a decision to love someone was possible; but it went against my long-trusted confidence in intuition and emotion to guide me through life’s toughest decisions—something that may sound like a cop-out to those of rational mind, but for me, my subconscious knows best and has never led me astray. My decisions to listen or ignore it on the other hand…

One of his responses brought a lot of insight. He said: “The interesting thing is, passion alone, can pass for love, just as intimacy can. Either of these separately, or combined can trick us into thinking we have love, but it is only the passage of time that will help us reach that point where true love is achieved…by committing.”

Weeks later this concept had receded to the back of my mind. SS and I were talking pretty seriously about our thoughts, feelings and some of our past experiences that turned us into what we are today. I know little about SS’s past relationships, and contrary to previous relationships, I’m ok with it. It took a while to understand, but I realized it is because I don’t have anything to worry about. In the past, my “e-sense”—that’s what I named my intuition—was always on its guard, and for good reason. None of the pain or discomfort I experienced in relationships ever showed up undetected—it was ignored.

I feel no reason to be on my guard… because there is none. For the first time, my conscience and intuition have made peace. I am with a man who I feel an emotional and inexplicable (“always trust the inexplicable” is my motto) connection to. And at the same time, I have a deep respect and admiration for who he was as a person and what he stands for. He is a good man. (And the first thing he’ll disagree with in this entry is my referring to him as a man.)

I remember looking at him and thinking, “I am going to love this man.” And like an internal smack to the brain, I understood what it meant to commit to love. And it wasn’t a hard decision to make; I was listening to what my heart wants and what my brain thinks is a good idea. And I feel lucky that they finally agree.

Back to the Star Trek example: They weren’t so lucky, but at least the alien-chick (I’m so clueless about this show!) was able to find a way to reconcile her conflict, kinda. If she couldn’t bond with the man she was destined to appease, than she had at least experienced both at some point in her life. Right? Better to have bonded and then married someone else, than to… oh whatever.

I think I am still torn on the topic, but I’ve accepted that that’s normal. Loving someone is a combination of attraction and commitment. Without both, you are doomed to go nowhere. The attraction holds you together when your willpower is weak, but that commitment is what helps you drive on through the obstacles that plop themselves in front of your couple-dom.

Eh?

Well, those are my thoughts at least. Capclassique has her own opinion on the matter as well: “Choosing to Love.” And for me, what stands out in this entry is not her decision to love versus falling in love—which she makes clear. It’s her attitude. Being open to love will bring it into your life… whether it’s a choice or a free-fall!

Rooster’s Wake-Up Call

9 Apr

Today I woke up in the wrong mood: I was exhausted. It was pouring out. I have a lot to do at work.

As I went through my morning ritual of checking e-mail, horoscopes and FB (the “news” as SS calls it), I read a quote from a friend that said “the difference between having a good day and a bad day is your attitude.” And I thought, “yeah yeah I know.” It’s a statement that I would—and have—preach(ed)…but only when I’m in a good attitude, of course. And then I said to myself—in my head as I didn’t want to sound crazy at work—”When I’m not is the exact time I should practice it.” So I put a smile on my face… it was fake, but a smile nonetheless.

Then I decided to take some time to catch up on some of capclassique‘s recent blog entries. (I follow blogs in spurts—I’m dedicated to them, but I tend to sit down and read like 10 at a time.) This one stood out to me: Focus on Joy: Day 1. Both her words, intentions and the adorable photo of Marcus, made me smile—and it was genuine.

Someone, somewhere knew I needed a pick me up today. And I got it… thank you.

With that said, here’s what makes me smile (Day 1).

If you don’t me that well, I’ve recently become kinda obsessed with getting a dog. After fostering a one-and-a-half-year-old puggle for six months, I discovered how much joy and love a dog can bring to your life. He came to me at a time I needed him and he needed me. And he left right as I was transitioning into what I now realize was a new time in my life. We helped each other, and moved on. How effin romantic, right? But knowing how much pleasure it is to have a lil pup welcome you every time you come home… and come upstairs… and come back from the kitchen… and come out of the shower… I really want one in my life. And unfortunately for Grandma, I want one in my life even though I have SS. (My grandma stated at one point during this foster arrangement that she wanted me to get a new boyfriend so I wouldn’t need the pup. Thanks Grandma. Needless to say, she didn’t fall for Max as much as I did—though she did much more than she ever thought she would…)

So yesterday, after hearing that an old colleague had puppies he was giving away, I got on a dog search and started looking at rescue foundations in the area and researching different breeds. In my search I found this guy. He’s not the dog for me as the rescue place notes possessive food guarding issues and doesn’t get along with cats… but how effin cute is he? And the best part… get this… his name is ROOSTER! OMG… seriously! Doesn’t it give you warm fuzzies inside?

Well, just looking at Rooster cheered me up even more today. Thanks Rooster.

Love Thyself

27 Mar

I remember sitting in AP Psychology in high school and my teacher was telling us that if we wanted to feel happy we should force ourselves to smile. If your face displays a smile, your mind will start to believe it.

For some reason, this always stuck with me. And at times when I am in a pissy-no-good-for-anything-kinda mood, I tell myself, “Just effin smile and you’ll feel better.” It usually works too—sometimes only for a few minutes until I cynically mock myself for smiling at nothing and go back to being a cranky-arse.

Mike Collins wrote a blog entry—I can’t find it at the moment—about this same concept. It was a nice reminder to give more attention to my emotions.

I Love You And I’m Leaving You Anyway,” by Tracy McMillan (see yesterday’s blog), touches on this same concept. After her third marriage fails, she discovers a deep-rooted subconscious association between her intimate relationships and that of her dad. (Which can really get any girl thinking who has ever dated another human being… oh boy!) She consistently tells herself how important she is and how much she loves herself. And as you can predict, she learns how to love and accept herself and not let the rejection of another person alter those feelings.

Today I open my most current copy of Yoga Journal and the wisdom department has an article about loving yourself: “Love In Full Bloom,” by Frank Jude Boccio. I bet you can guess what it is about, yes, learning to love yourself unconditionally, by cultivating the four states of mind. The first two are what made me smile. Metta (lovingkindness), according to the piece, is related to “gentle,” and Karuna (compassion), is related to word “karma” (also according to the article).

It goes on to explain them in more depth and guide you through a method of learning to express “lovingkindness” and “compassion” to others, and most importantly, yourself, with a mantra.

The article says, “You may feel you cannot connect with feelings of friendliness and compassion. It may feel mechanical to repeat the phrases, as if you’re being inauthentic.

“…remember that sending love to a closed heart is part of the practice, and that you can, as one of my teachers once said, ‘Fake it till you make it!’”

There is that concept again—fake your feelings till they become true. It just keeps popping up. I am a strong believer in coincidences. Someone once said to me that she believes they happen for a reason. They are a sign that you are on the right path in life. I like this thought. So maybe all this forcing yourself to be happy stuff is telling me to acknowledge my emotions. I’m going to make a conscious effort to smile all day today.

Not that it should be that hard… life is nothing but fantastic at the moment! 🙂